Writers do not feel at home in cars, unless they happen to live in theirs, which is true for only about thirty percent of writers. When a writer is in a car (that they don’t live in), it means they are not at home or at the cafe or in the mental institution doing what they do best. Time spent driving is time away from creating.
Writers in cars are also dangerous, as the vast majority spend their time thinking about their current book or coming up with an idea for another rather than paying attention to other vehicles, traffic lights, pedestrians or oceans. Studies show that 78 percent of all traffic fatalities are caused by daydreaming authors.
To help writers express themselves while driving, as well as to alert other drivers that a vehicle in front of them contains a writer, I’ve come up with 25 bumper stickers specifically for men and women of letters:
1) Driver makes frequent plot twists.
2) Honk if you hate missppelings.
3) Cut me off and get killed in my next novel.
4) Crazy on board.
5) Your kid’s an honor student? Big deal – let me know when he finishes a manuscript.
6) If you can read this, you’re too close… but at least you can read. Buy my book.
7) The whales are fine – save the poets.
8) Write the book you want to read in the world.
9) Forget my driving – how’s my writing?
10) Jesus reads!
11) I brake for muses.
12) My other car is ALSO a piece of shit – I’m a writer.
13) What would Cormac do?
14) If you’re not angry, you’re not paying attention… or you’ve never read any of the Twilight books.
15) Driver has write of way.
16) Stop honking! I’m trying to come up with a title.
17) I’d rather be signing books.
18) Character development in progress.
19) You’re driving behind me because I wrote it that way.
20) Objects in mirror may be more fictional than they appear.
21) Guns don’t kill people, crime writers do.
22) Don’t text and drive – unless you're finishing up a chapter.
23) Stay off my ass and you’ll stay out of my book.
24) Yeah, I passed you – you drive like my novel sells.
And this last one is to help subliminally sell my latest novel:
25) Are you sure you didn’t miss the exit, man?
While I’m busy turning the above statements into large adhesive stickers, feel free to share some of your own writer bumper sticker ideas in the comments section below.
Writers in cars are also dangerous, as the vast majority spend their time thinking about their current book or coming up with an idea for another rather than paying attention to other vehicles, traffic lights, pedestrians or oceans. Studies show that 78 percent of all traffic fatalities are caused by daydreaming authors.
To help writers express themselves while driving, as well as to alert other drivers that a vehicle in front of them contains a writer, I’ve come up with 25 bumper stickers specifically for men and women of letters:
1) Driver makes frequent plot twists.
2) Honk if you hate missppelings.
3) Cut me off and get killed in my next novel.
4) Crazy on board.
5) Your kid’s an honor student? Big deal – let me know when he finishes a manuscript.
6) If you can read this, you’re too close… but at least you can read. Buy my book.
7) The whales are fine – save the poets.
8) Write the book you want to read in the world.
9) Forget my driving – how’s my writing?
10) Jesus reads!
11) I brake for muses.
12) My other car is ALSO a piece of shit – I’m a writer.
13) What would Cormac do?
14) If you’re not angry, you’re not paying attention… or you’ve never read any of the Twilight books.
15) Driver has write of way.
16) Stop honking! I’m trying to come up with a title.
17) I’d rather be signing books.
18) Character development in progress.
19) You’re driving behind me because I wrote it that way.
20) Objects in mirror may be more fictional than they appear.
21) Guns don’t kill people, crime writers do.
22) Don’t text and drive – unless you're finishing up a chapter.
23) Stay off my ass and you’ll stay out of my book.
24) Yeah, I passed you – you drive like my novel sells.
And this last one is to help subliminally sell my latest novel:
25) Are you sure you didn’t miss the exit, man?
While I’m busy turning the above statements into large adhesive stickers, feel free to share some of your own writer bumper sticker ideas in the comments section below.
