Literary agents and publishers receive so many queries and submissions from writers these days, most have stopped sending out even the shortest, most impersonal written rejection notices.
Before lucking out and finding a publisher for my debut novel back in 2011, I considered a formal rejection letter to be a significant victory. To not be fully ignored by the literary “powers that be” is positively enthralling and life affirming, especially in today’s ridiculously competitive publishing environment. Knowing that an agent or publisher cares enough to take the time to inform you personally that there is no way in hell they’ll be requesting additional pages or accepting your novel is certainly cause for celebration.
To help other writers in their endeavor to get properly rejected, I’m providing the “Request for a Formal Rejection Letter” I used to (pretend) to send out to literary agents. Writers who use this (or some similar) letter will soon find their mailbox and/or inbox full of “thank you, but no” notifications from some of the most important people in the publishing world.
Dear (name of literary agent or publisher),
I am contacting you today to see if you might consider my manuscript worthy of a formal rejection.
I realize that hundreds upon hundreds of unsolicited works come across your desk or enter your inbox each month, and that you couldn’t possibly take the time to provide each author with an official rejection notice. However, I think once you read the clever title and first two finely crafted sentences of my tragicomic novel before tossing the manuscript into the bin, you will agree that my work cannot be completely overlooked and indeed deserves to be spurned in writing.
Naturally, my dream is that my literary prowess will compel you – or at least the intern who brings you coffee – to send me a personalized rejection note that includes the full title of my book. However, I realize that such an honor is typically reserved only for writers on their second or third novel and suicide attempt. Therefore, I would be more than happy to simply receive from you a standard form rejection letter printed out crookedly on the thinnest office paper available.
I will fully understand if you decide to pretend that you never received this query letter and submission. I can only imagine how busy you must be helping aspiring novelists develop severe self-esteem issues and question the meaning of their existence. If you feel strongly that my work does not merit a single iota of your attention – let alone a full rejection notice – all I ask is that you at least not intentionally spit or excrete on my manuscript prior to incinerating it. At the risk of sounding pompous, I do think I deserve that much respect.
Thank you very much in advance for your time and attention, and for not hiring an assassin to ensure that I never submit any of my literary work to you again.
Regards,
(Your pseudonym here)
If you enjoyed this, you may also like the “Rejection Letter for Rejecting a Rejection Letter” I posted a while back. If you did NOT enjoy this, you're probably a literary agent or a publisher.
Before lucking out and finding a publisher for my debut novel back in 2011, I considered a formal rejection letter to be a significant victory. To not be fully ignored by the literary “powers that be” is positively enthralling and life affirming, especially in today’s ridiculously competitive publishing environment. Knowing that an agent or publisher cares enough to take the time to inform you personally that there is no way in hell they’ll be requesting additional pages or accepting your novel is certainly cause for celebration.
To help other writers in their endeavor to get properly rejected, I’m providing the “Request for a Formal Rejection Letter” I used to (pretend) to send out to literary agents. Writers who use this (or some similar) letter will soon find their mailbox and/or inbox full of “thank you, but no” notifications from some of the most important people in the publishing world.
Dear (name of literary agent or publisher),
I am contacting you today to see if you might consider my manuscript worthy of a formal rejection.
I realize that hundreds upon hundreds of unsolicited works come across your desk or enter your inbox each month, and that you couldn’t possibly take the time to provide each author with an official rejection notice. However, I think once you read the clever title and first two finely crafted sentences of my tragicomic novel before tossing the manuscript into the bin, you will agree that my work cannot be completely overlooked and indeed deserves to be spurned in writing.
Naturally, my dream is that my literary prowess will compel you – or at least the intern who brings you coffee – to send me a personalized rejection note that includes the full title of my book. However, I realize that such an honor is typically reserved only for writers on their second or third novel and suicide attempt. Therefore, I would be more than happy to simply receive from you a standard form rejection letter printed out crookedly on the thinnest office paper available.
I will fully understand if you decide to pretend that you never received this query letter and submission. I can only imagine how busy you must be helping aspiring novelists develop severe self-esteem issues and question the meaning of their existence. If you feel strongly that my work does not merit a single iota of your attention – let alone a full rejection notice – all I ask is that you at least not intentionally spit or excrete on my manuscript prior to incinerating it. At the risk of sounding pompous, I do think I deserve that much respect.
Thank you very much in advance for your time and attention, and for not hiring an assassin to ensure that I never submit any of my literary work to you again.
Regards,
(Your pseudonym here)
If you enjoyed this, you may also like the “Rejection Letter for Rejecting a Rejection Letter” I posted a while back. If you did NOT enjoy this, you're probably a literary agent or a publisher.
