I’ve always been a big fan of HBO. I remember when my father first subscribed to it in the early 1980s. It instantly transformed me into a popular kid in my neighborhood and gave me the opportunity to see bare breasts without having to sprint to my friend Eric’s house for a peek at his dad’s Playboy mags. Life-changing stuff.
Well, HBO may soon change my life AGAIN. The premium cable/satellite TV network just optioned my novel, The Exit Man, to develop it into a series. (Allow me to pause here and pinch myself – for the 100th time.) Now, before you pull into my driveway armed with champagne, this doesn’t guarantee the show will get off the ground. Novels often get optioned for film or TV but never reach the large or the small screen. That said, there’s a fair chance my novel will at least be adapted for a pilot episode and, with any luck, become a full-fledged TV series. On HBO. HBO!
(Insert internal reminder to myself to relax and act like I’ve been here before.)
While I’ve always found optimism to be an awful endeavor, I’m going to imagine that everything goes off without a hitch and The Exit Man gets the final green light. Here is a list of my demands (read: polite suggestions, prayers) for HBO to help ensure my novel becomes a huge TV hit:
THEME SONG: “Don’t Fear the Reaper” by Blue Oyster Cult. While most songs about death are too damn depressing, this song is rather soothing and ethereal – yet dark and haunting enough to let viewers know they aren’t about to see an episode of Gilmore Girls.
The song actually popped into my head on several occasions while I was writing The Exit Man – you know, whenever I’d lose focus and start fantasizing about my manuscript becoming a movie and me hanging out with Megan Fox in the bathroom at a Hollywood party. Other songs that often invaded my brain while writing include Bob Dylan’s “Knocking on Heaven’s Door,” which is a bit too heaven-y for a dark comedy, and Johnny Cash’s “I Hurt Myself Today,” but that was only because I frequently banged my head against my writing desk when struggling with the story.
One other song I might consider is “Dead Man’s Party” by Oingo Boingo, which was featured in the 1985 Rodney Dangerfield movie Back to School and made it such a cinematic tour de force.
MAIN CHARACTER (ELI): Jake Johnson. You may know him as Nick the ne’er-do-well bartender in the sitcom New Girl (or from his starring roles in the feature films Drinking Buddies and, regrettably, Let’s Be Cops). Mr. Johnson is perfect for the part of Eli, who is also a ne’er-do-well but who, instead of running a bar, runs a party supply store in addition to leading a secret life as a mercy killer. Johnson, with his sad eyes and comic chops, is built for black humor… the kind featuring terminal illness and death, not the kind in which he co-stars with Damon Wayans, Jr.
In the event Nick Johnson isn’t available for the role, or if for some strange reason he decides he doesn’t want to star in a series based on a book written by nobody he’s ever heard of, other actors who might shine as Eli include Michael C. Hall of Dexter and Six Feet Under fame, Aaron Paul from Breaking Bad (he played Jessie), or Bob the cartoon dad from Bob’s Burgers (I’d want the actual animated character, not the actor who does the voice).
FEMALE LEAD (ZOE): Emma Stone. She has starred in various movies, including Superbad and Zombieland, and in a few of my dreams that I cannot describe here without risking a divorce. And while she may not be a TV actress, and her hair may not be quite as red as I described in my book, Ms. Stone would do a spectacular job as Eli’s sultry and suicidal ginger girlfriend. She has yet to return any of my texts, tweets, Facebook messages, emails, phone calls, letters, faxes or telegrams, but I think if HBO were to get involved she might be a little more receptive.
The only other actress I’d be happy with is any actress who looks and sounds exactly like Emma Stone. I guess I could also be convinced to consider Kat Dennings (2 Broke Girls, Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist), but only if she agreed to get a boob reduction, or not.
SUPPORTING CAST: There are many minor characters in The Exit Man – most of them are Eli’s terminally ill clients who end up not sticking around too long. Thus, for casting purposes I’m really only interested in actors and actresses who already look like they’re dying before their time. Viable candidates include Samuel L. Jackson, Helen Hunt, Ed Harris, Laura Dern, and any of the extras from Walking Dead.
MY CAMEO: Stephen King almost always has a cameo appearance in the movies and shows based on his books, so why shouldn’t I? I’m not asking to play a key character or to have any kind of real impact on the action; I merely want to show up on screen at some point in the pilot episode, preferably as Zoe’s masseuse or gynecologist.
FONT FOR THE TITLE, CAST AND CREDITS: Helvetica Neue Medium. This one is pretty much non-negotiable. If I find out HBO plans on using any other font for the show, so help me God I'll pretend there is actually something I can do about it.
Before I go and pinch myself some more, I just want to send out a very special thank you to:
Were it not for these people, right now I’d be working on another blasé blog piece about being a writer rather than fantasizing about what to wear to the Emmys and the Golden Globes.
Oh, and if you’d like to learn more about the book version of The Exit Man, you can do so HERE.
Well, HBO may soon change my life AGAIN. The premium cable/satellite TV network just optioned my novel, The Exit Man, to develop it into a series. (Allow me to pause here and pinch myself – for the 100th time.) Now, before you pull into my driveway armed with champagne, this doesn’t guarantee the show will get off the ground. Novels often get optioned for film or TV but never reach the large or the small screen. That said, there’s a fair chance my novel will at least be adapted for a pilot episode and, with any luck, become a full-fledged TV series. On HBO. HBO!
(Insert internal reminder to myself to relax and act like I’ve been here before.)
While I’ve always found optimism to be an awful endeavor, I’m going to imagine that everything goes off without a hitch and The Exit Man gets the final green light. Here is a list of my demands (read: polite suggestions, prayers) for HBO to help ensure my novel becomes a huge TV hit:
THEME SONG: “Don’t Fear the Reaper” by Blue Oyster Cult. While most songs about death are too damn depressing, this song is rather soothing and ethereal – yet dark and haunting enough to let viewers know they aren’t about to see an episode of Gilmore Girls.
The song actually popped into my head on several occasions while I was writing The Exit Man – you know, whenever I’d lose focus and start fantasizing about my manuscript becoming a movie and me hanging out with Megan Fox in the bathroom at a Hollywood party. Other songs that often invaded my brain while writing include Bob Dylan’s “Knocking on Heaven’s Door,” which is a bit too heaven-y for a dark comedy, and Johnny Cash’s “I Hurt Myself Today,” but that was only because I frequently banged my head against my writing desk when struggling with the story.
One other song I might consider is “Dead Man’s Party” by Oingo Boingo, which was featured in the 1985 Rodney Dangerfield movie Back to School and made it such a cinematic tour de force.
MAIN CHARACTER (ELI): Jake Johnson. You may know him as Nick the ne’er-do-well bartender in the sitcom New Girl (or from his starring roles in the feature films Drinking Buddies and, regrettably, Let’s Be Cops). Mr. Johnson is perfect for the part of Eli, who is also a ne’er-do-well but who, instead of running a bar, runs a party supply store in addition to leading a secret life as a mercy killer. Johnson, with his sad eyes and comic chops, is built for black humor… the kind featuring terminal illness and death, not the kind in which he co-stars with Damon Wayans, Jr.
In the event Nick Johnson isn’t available for the role, or if for some strange reason he decides he doesn’t want to star in a series based on a book written by nobody he’s ever heard of, other actors who might shine as Eli include Michael C. Hall of Dexter and Six Feet Under fame, Aaron Paul from Breaking Bad (he played Jessie), or Bob the cartoon dad from Bob’s Burgers (I’d want the actual animated character, not the actor who does the voice).
FEMALE LEAD (ZOE): Emma Stone. She has starred in various movies, including Superbad and Zombieland, and in a few of my dreams that I cannot describe here without risking a divorce. And while she may not be a TV actress, and her hair may not be quite as red as I described in my book, Ms. Stone would do a spectacular job as Eli’s sultry and suicidal ginger girlfriend. She has yet to return any of my texts, tweets, Facebook messages, emails, phone calls, letters, faxes or telegrams, but I think if HBO were to get involved she might be a little more receptive.
The only other actress I’d be happy with is any actress who looks and sounds exactly like Emma Stone. I guess I could also be convinced to consider Kat Dennings (2 Broke Girls, Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist), but only if she agreed to get a boob reduction, or not.
SUPPORTING CAST: There are many minor characters in The Exit Man – most of them are Eli’s terminally ill clients who end up not sticking around too long. Thus, for casting purposes I’m really only interested in actors and actresses who already look like they’re dying before their time. Viable candidates include Samuel L. Jackson, Helen Hunt, Ed Harris, Laura Dern, and any of the extras from Walking Dead.
MY CAMEO: Stephen King almost always has a cameo appearance in the movies and shows based on his books, so why shouldn’t I? I’m not asking to play a key character or to have any kind of real impact on the action; I merely want to show up on screen at some point in the pilot episode, preferably as Zoe’s masseuse or gynecologist.
FONT FOR THE TITLE, CAST AND CREDITS: Helvetica Neue Medium. This one is pretty much non-negotiable. If I find out HBO plans on using any other font for the show, so help me God I'll pretend there is actually something I can do about it.
Before I go and pinch myself some more, I just want to send out a very special thank you to:
- Ilene Staple, the wonderful TV producer who first approached me regarding the TV/film rights to The Exit Man and who had a huge hand in selling the show idea to HBO;
- Adam Berkowitz, the amazing agent and co-head of Television for Creative Artists Agency (CAA) who sealed my option deal with HBO;
- Brian Buckner, the extremely talented television writer who is currently working on the show outline and the pilot script for The Exit Man.
Were it not for these people, right now I’d be working on another blasé blog piece about being a writer rather than fantasizing about what to wear to the Emmys and the Golden Globes.
Oh, and if you’d like to learn more about the book version of The Exit Man, you can do so HERE.
