One-Star Assaults: The Best Bad Reviews of Critically Acclaimed Crime Novels

The one-star book review. For some authors, a single star from a reader is enough to send them into a downward emotional spiral from which they never recover. For more self-assured and experienced authors, such a hateful review is a sign they’ve arrived, a cause for celebration, a reason to hire a security team.

They say a one-star book review says much more about the reviewer than about the actual book—especially if the book is, by wide consensus, very good or great. When a reader flings a single star at a novel that averages four-plus, it generally indicates the reader just got dumped by a lover or is trying to quit smoking. Sometimes, a giver of one-star is simply an illiterate Internet troll incapable of elaborating on the teribullness of the buuk they found so unreedabull. Occasionally, however, a one-star review of a great book is well-written, even convincing—delivered by a self-described literary genius who refuses to conform to popular opinion and instead feels compelled to point out how and why the book in question is not only highly overrated but complete drivel.

Regardless of the accuracy of or motivations behind one-star book reviews, they are an absolute joy to read. And since we can all use a little more joy in our lives, today I’d like to share the most scathing, sardonic as well as idiotic reviews of some of the most critically acclaimed and beloved books in the crime fiction world. (To enhance your reading pleasure, I’ve kept all the reviewers’ typos intact.)

Enjoy!

 

And Then There Were None by Agatha Christie

"Don't buy. Nothing special. Another waste of time like the books of Charles Dickens. I gave Agatha's best book a chance and it disappointed big time."

 

The Big Sleep by Raymond Chandler

"I kept hoping I find the reason it's so well liked, but NO I would not recommend it to anyone. It was way too long & wordy with descriptions & geesh I guess maybe some folks just like all of the in my opinion long drawn out descriptions of it."

 

The Day of the Jackal by Frederick Forsyth

"Too much unnecessary detail makes reading it quite difficult. I really don't want to know, for example, how someone's flatulence sounded and lasted for how long and whether they lifted their leg to do it or sat on the potty. The details in the book are in similar tones.

 

Bluebird, Bluebird by Attica Locke

"Liberal fiction, no thanks. I tried enjoying the book but the constant cheap shots at Republicans like Ted Cruz got old and I stopped. BTW, having owned a farm in East Texas, I can say the book certainly takes liberties with the way East Texas really is. Fiction, this book certainly is."

 

The Spy Who Came in from the Cold by John le Carré

"Yes, it's complicated. You never know who are the good guys and who the bad. Even after you've be read the last word and in introspection it's not at all clear what has happened, why, or how you could have so foolishly wasted your time reading this trash."

 

The Black Dahlia by James Ellroy

"I know its set in a different era, but I found the content difficult to cope with. The way characters were described, it was just too negative. I love to read and usually finish all books I start, but I had to stop reading this. It made me feel uncomfortable. I don't like to be negative, but I felt I needed to express my opinion on this one."

 

In the Woods by Tana French

"This author needs a editor. The information says its 612 pages long, that's 400 more pages than necessary to tell the tale. I'm sorry I wasted so much time. I would have appreciated and ending to the detective's story. I won't be reading anything else by this author."

 

Still Life by Louise Penny

"The author did not do adequate research to understand either hunting or archery, both of which are critical parts of the plot line. When a supposed character that hunts butchered the description of what a "recurve" bow is I almost gave up. I probably should have. If you are uninformed about, or prejudiced against, hunting then you won't mind the general tone of the book. Just don't use it to learn about archery."

 

Mystic River by Dennis Lehane

"Not grrat. Had to buy this from a class. It wasn't good at all, so I wouldn't buy this unless it is required for you."

 

The Turn of the Key by Ruth Ware

"The reader is way, way over the top with her drama."

 

Devil in a Blue Dress by Walter Mosley

"BORING I IT WAS POORLY WRITTEN, DID NOT LIKE CHARACTER, FILTHY WOULD NOT TRY TO FINISH WHAT A WASTE OF MONEY AND MORE IMPORTANT TIME"

 

Along Came a Spider by James Patterson

"i wanted the paperback not the kindle"

 

The Talented Mr. Ripley by Patricia Highsmith

"the problem is in those stupid covers where they have to mention that this is now a major motion picture staring this and that stupid actor/actress. its just dumb. really anoying. book is great."

 

Pronto by Elmore Leonard

"I finally finished the book. So glad it's over. I'll never buy another in this series. Liked the television show."

 

A Judgement in Stone by Ruth Rendell

"Dear Lord! What an absolutely dreadful book. I just wanted those poor characters to be killed quickly so the book would be over. This was chosen by someone in my book club. The bad people in the story are mousy, the good characters in the story are mousy. The community at large is mousy. It never gets better and could only get over and done with. I hate to complain about things these days but this miserable story's highlight is the title. Once you open up the book it's all downhill from there."

 

The Snowman by Jo Nesbø

"Save yourself! Mow the grass! First and definitely last time I will spend money on this author. I'm scratching my head wondering why anyone would ever bother buying a book that this fellow wrote; disconnected, slow, boring, and far too easy to determine who the "bad" guy was - If you find yourself tempted to buy a book written by this author, take a deep breath, get control of yourself, and buy one written by Michael Connelly or Lee Childs - I know you want to give me a big hug but maybe not."

 

The Poet by Michael Connelly

"Too many stupid people. What is going on with all those stupid policemen, FBI, and the whole lot of civilians? It seems that one cannot find a book where the hero is not an appalling individual that you just cannot bring yourself to sympathize with? This particular one - total A-hole. And on the top of it all, I really do not want to read about his love/sex life. Ugh!."

 

Killing Floor by Lee Child

"Several instances where God's Name is misused. If it wasn't for this I would have loved reading the rest of the series."
 

 

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson

"Not like Gillian Flynn. I didn’t like it."

 

Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn

"I'm reviewing the book not the movie. I might be alone here, but I hated it. My friend kept recommending it, so I thought why not? I kept reading it to the end because it was interesting"

 

Mr. Mercedes by Stephen King

"Not a normal stephen king book. I was 30 mins from end and knew it had to take a twist....nope the psycho talked, that's it :( disappointed!"

 

Resurrection Men by Ian Rankin

"haven't read it yet so leave me alone"

 

Tell No One by Harlan Coben

"Trash! This book bears the same relationship to a good crime novel as does news in the Tabloid you pick up at your grocery check out the quality of news in New York times and the WSJ"

 

Pretty Girls by Karin Slaughter

"The most disturbing book I have ever read. It started off so good then it went down a very dark path and kept getting worse. I wish I had never read this book, it was so disturbing. Do not recommend."

 

The Silence of the Lambs by Thomas Harris

"Misleading. Not a single lamb"

 

Feel free to share some of your favorite one-star book reviews in the comments section below. Also, have YOU ever written a one-star review of a book? If so, was the book one of MINE? If so, what’s your address?