The Ease of Being an American Author Down Under

For those of you who don’t yet know—or whom I specifically didn’t tell because I owe you money—I moved from Austin, Texas to Sydney, Australia last May. As excited as I was about the huge transition, I was concerned it might somehow have a negative impact on me as a writer. My biggest fear initially was informing my NYC-based literary agent of the move, as I thought she might drop me as a client upon learning I was moving to a country that spells so many words wrong on purpose. But she was not only supportive, she was a little jealous—probably because she’s a crime fiction enthusiast and would kill to live in a beautiful land with such a rich history of felony and imprisonment.

Turns out most of my other concerns and fears about the move were unfounded, as well. In fact, I’ve had pretty much no issues adapting to life as an American author Down Under. Here are the five main reasons why:

1) Just like in the US, nobody’s heard of me or my books down here. Imagine how jarring it would be for me if I had to contend with throngs of raving fans every time I left the house here in Australia. Thank goodness I’m able to go to restaurants and the liquor store and the psychiatrist and back to the liquor store without anyone knowing or caring who the hell I am. Just like back home. And because everyone speaks English here, there’s no language barrier to contend with whenever I meet people and they tell me they’ve never heard of me or of any of my books and have no intention of reading them.

2) Despite my geographical distance from my agent and American publishers, rejection notifications get here just as quickly. You’d think being so far away from everyone who has the power to make my dreams come true would result in delays in my novels and stories getting rejected, but NOPE. Thanks to modern telecommunications and digital technology, each “NO” gets to me here in Sydney just as fast as each did back in the States. Man, I love not having to wait any longer than necessary to have my soul and creativity crushed!

3) The liquor in Australia works just as well as the liquor in the States. I don’t know where I’d be without a fun way to fend off feelings of artistic failure and futility on a near-daily basis, so you can imagine how relieved I was to find that the vodka and bourbon here in Oz function pretty much identically to that found in the U.S.  Sure, such spirits are more than double the price down here, but that is actually a good thing, as it has inspired me to turn to a life of crime, which provides me with invaluable experiences and wonderful fodder for future books.  

4) My writing office here has the same number of solid, punchable walls as my old writing office did. I can’t express how important it is to be able to slam my head and fists against something hard whenever the words and ideas aren’t flowing. Without such walls, my slamming efforts would entail me violently lashing at nothing but air, which can cause tears in rotator cuff and neck muscles—muscles that are essential for sitting and staring at blank pages during writing sessions.

5) My neighbors here in Sydney are no less leery of me than my neighbors have been everywhere else I’ve lived as a writer. Nothing makes me feel more at home than being surrounded by people who do everything they can to avoid contact with me due to my questionable actions and behavior. Hard to tell if it’s how I act out murder scenes alone in my office before writing them that’s got the folks in our apartment building keeping their distance, or if it’s simply how I get drunk and head-butt walls while cursing the publishing industry and/or my characters that has my neighbors ducking away. Regardless, I’m extremely grateful to them.