Ever since my novel The Exit Man got optioned for development into a TV series back in 2015, my family and eleven fans have continued to ask me about the status of the project. This may sound like I’m complaining. Trust me, I’m not. Being prompted to talk about the biggest honor of my writing life is hardly a nuisance. In fact, you don’t even have to prompt me. Take this blog post, for instance.
Following is a quick recap and update on my book’s journey to (hopefully) the small screen, followed by the blogging equivalent of a nervous breakdown.
It all started when HBO optioned The Exit Man in 2015 and I fainted. However, HBO elected not to renew the option in 2016. (Thanks a lot, Westworld.) No biggie. It happens. As people like Shia LaBeouf and Lindsay Lohan can attest, things in Hollywood don’t always work out as planned.
Fortunately, the story didn’t end there. A few other networks expressed interest in The Exit Man earlier this year. And then in April I signed an option agreement with Showtime – and fainted again.
The Showtime option could not have happened without the work of three important people: 1) Ilene Staple, the feisty, whip-smart Hollywood producer who sold The Exit Man to Showtime and who has never stopped believing in the story; 2) Adam Berkowitz, my badass agent and Co-Head of Television at Creative Artists Agency (CAA), who sealed the option deal; and 3) the brilliant scriptwriter Brian Buckner, who wrote a killer show outline and has since put the finishing touches on the pilot script. Thanks to Brian’s great work, I’m told the TV series – if made -- will be better than the book. I’m both delighted and insulted.
Now, I realize there’s no guarantee The Exit Man will end up on the small screen; nevertheless, it’s hard to temper my enthusiasm. I mean, let’s face it – most folks don’t read like they used to, and most folks don’t read me, PERIOD. So getting a book adapted for TV is really the best a relatively unknown author like me can hope for. And the fact that the network aiming to make it happen is the same network that has brought us such delicious dark comedy-dramas as Dexter, Californication, Weeds and Nurse Jackie makes all of this that much more enthralling.
And terrifying.
Yes, terrifying. What am I so afraid of? Success, mainly.
I’ve grown quite accustomed to the middle of the road and near misses throughout my fiction-writing career. I almost reached the number-one spot in the Dark Comedy category on Amazon with each of my last two novels. HBO almost put The Exit Man on TV. This blog post is almost staying on track. My point is, I’m great at “okay.” I excel at “almost.” I do “nearly successful” very well. Major achievement? I’m not built for that. Big break? I can’t think of anything worse. So, if Showtime goes all the way with The Exit Man and turns it into a hit series, I may be screwed.
For one, it will likely lead to tons more sales of my novel – and subsequent tweets/reviews/letters/email/graffiti from readers expressing how the book strays from the TV show. Secondly, all the attention and Hollywood parties will turn me into more of an insufferable a-hole than I already am. Rather than begging people to buy my books like I do now, I’ll be punching people when they corner me in public with a copy they’d like signed. And don’t get me started on all the drugs and alcohol that such success will get me started on.
I’m beginning to see things from Shia LaBeouf’s and Lindsay Lohan’s perspective. Maybe the three of us will hang out one day.
Yeah, I’d better go tell my agent to call the whole Showtime deal off. The more I think about it, an option agreement is really just a gateway drug for someone like me. The beginning of the end.
Nothing good ever comes from an opportunity of a lifetime. So if you need me, I’ll be busy writing… in the middle of the road. Where it’s safe.
Okay, that’s enough about me and my possible TV deal. What about YOU? What do YOU think about me and my possible TV deal?
ON HIS BEST DAYS, ZERO SLADE IS THE WORST MAN YOU CAN IMAGINE. HE HAS TO BE. IT'S THE ONLY WAY TO SAVE THE LOST GIRLS.